He instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now.
Genesis 32:4 (NIV)
Why does Jacob defer to Esau here in Genesis 32? Is it merely fear, or is there a pattern being set that we are meant to notice?
Obviously, part of scripture-study is about the narrative itself. Jacob *is* afraid. Verse 7 and 11 spell this out quite clearly.
In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well.
Genesis 32:7 (NIV)
Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children.
Genesis 32:11 (NIV)
But there’s a hidden little gem here that points to one the 10 Commandments: “You shall honor your father and mother.” The “AND” in Hebrew is doing something unusual in this commandment. You can’t see it in English, but in Hebrew, there’s something… extra.
The hebrew of “Honor your Father and Mother” is “כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ,” and it literally (word for word) is this:
honor (כַּבֵּד)
[object marker; not a word] (אֶת)
father (אָבִיךָ)
and + [object marker; not a word] (וְאֶת) <— weird.
mother (אִמֶּךָ)
In hebrew, the second object marker isn’t necessary. It’s already obvious in the text that both father and mother are the objects in question.
It’s something like this:
Honor (now I’m talking about the next object ->) father and (now I’m talking about the next object ->) mother.
But it could have (and should have?) been like this:
Honor (now I’m talking about the objects) [father and mother].
The rabbis say that this is important. Torah is telling us something, and we should wonder what it means. Their conclusion is this: Torah has given us extra room in the commandment, and we should fill that extra room.
They fill it with this: “…and also honor your oldest brother.”
Therefore, when Jacob lowers himself before Esau, referring to himself as “servant” and to Esau as “lord,” he is not merely being humble. He’s not merely acting out of fear. The text is also teaching us that the fuller meaning of the Commandment is to honor those in a position of authority over you. Hence the “long life” promise.
This also fits quite nicely in my personal view that the command to honor your father and mother is really a command to forgive them. Older siblings, too.